Backward wind

From across the pond

We have just been given a graph for wind turbine outputs.  Handily the turbine output runs from -10KW through to 70KW.  Why have they run the graph to -10 and not 0?  Or are they just thick?

One pearl of wisdom on “Backward wind”

  1. Consultant G Says:

    Not thick, just totally lacking common sense. A fine example of the statistician or graphics department (or even consultants) who prepared this not realising it is from the real world, and so has a real world application. Instead, they are just focussed on the numbers or the image.
    Unless turbines do use power when the wind comes from the opposite direction….

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Paint Coverage

A worried reader has asked

On the side of the tin of paint that I bought from B&Q it states that the one litre tin can cover upto 7m3.  Do you think this is something I should worry about opening?

One pearl of wisdom on “Paint Coverage”

  1. Consultant G Says:

    Does it really say 7m^3 ? If this is the case I would be cautious. This would even impress bankers and accountants who (as we now know) love to over inflate true physical values and capacity.

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Inconsiderate Parking

We have been sent a picture from one of our regulars and he asks

Those who go to church park outside my house which is fine however none of them seem to consider that some of the cars parked on the street may belong to people who are not in the church and therefore love to box my car in.  How do I persuade these people to be “christian” in action rather than being inconsiderate “Christians”?

2 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “Inconsiderate Parking”

  1. Consultant C Says:

    You could get out of there in two easy movements. I’m not sure this picture illustrates a cause for concern.

    If, however, the problem is more severe, pinch a couple of cones from your nearest roadworks and mark your territory with them. Some fluttery stripey tape will add to the effect.

    This is probably only slightly illegal, but has been proven to work in similar situations.

  2. Consultant G Says:

    One solution may be to block in their cars, following the eye for an eye part of the christian mantra from the old testament.
    I ask if these people really ar ‘christians’ though. Do you know how far they live from their temple, because if they live close by they should not be bloody well using their cars anyway.

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Misunderstanding for Comic Effect

from a pedant

Misunderstanding for comic effect; is it funny?  Such things as “this door is alarmed” and “no doorstep salesmen” as signs always make me laugh as I wonder why the door is alarmed and wonder how many people actually go door to door selling doorsteps?  Is it acceptable for this to be my form of humour?

One pearl of wisdom on “Misunderstanding for Comic Effect”

  1. Consultant C Says:

    Yes, this is an entirely acceptable for of humour, indeed it forms Comedy Basic No. 4 therefore should be encouraged.

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Help over the edge

A tourist asks

When I was up on Shetlands recently I noted that SNH is building a walkway to allow people easier access to a very remote part of the island.  This is fantastic but at the end of the walk way the visitor will find this area has unstable cliffs, stunningly high winds and birds which will attack anyone getting to close to their nests.  Is it sensible to make access easier to areas that are this dangerous?

One pearl of wisdom on “Help over the edge”

  1. Consultant C Says:

    Yes, natural selection will take place and the world will breath a sigh of relief for every numpty that is chased over the cliff by a bonxie. Providing a walkway prevents damage to the moorland, thus is rather sensible if the volume of visitors necessitates it.

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That will learn them

It has been suggested by a reader that

Anyone parking in a disabled or “with children” space who is not disabled or “with children” should be shot.

2 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “That will learn them”

  1. Consultant G Says:

    Shot in the leg so they become disabled ? I like the irony.
    We could just do away with they system altogether.

  2. Big D Says:

    I’d agree with you on the disabled side of things, but why should people who’ve chosen to further burden our already overpopulated planet be given special treatment?

    I suppose youcould argue that not everyone with kids has chosen to have them, or some (such as foster parents) might have kids for altruistic reasons.

    On a similar note it really bugs me that at my local supermarket the “with children” spaces are closer to the store than the disabled spaces.

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Its a pig of a virus

From a sick man:

Swine flue appears to have undergone a bizarre mutation,  and is now causing mass hysteria among journalists and broadcasters who have come into contact with the story. Thankfully the BBC has pointed out however that  there is little to suggest a public health emergency on the streets of Polmont” -  (other than the standard alcohol and cigarette related issues, and rising obesity we presume).

 

Having seen the news, I wonder if we should we don face masks and run up and down the streets in a panic? Should we start randomly slaughtering pigs (and pig farmers)? Should we pile Sombreros in the streets and burn them?

 

I am hoping you could provide some common sense advice on the matter ? This would be very useful, as it is not yet being provided. Your free service would make this much cheaper than sending out a leaflet to every house in the country (any common sense advice on that too?)

 

Useful links:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/two-scottish-people-feeling-a-bit-run-down-200904281729/  and http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/who-will-be-the-first-arsehole-to-wear–a-facemask?-200904291731

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A dodo. Well known for its common sense.

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We are experts in all matters of life. You may consult us on any topic. On some matters, that we consider trivial or uninteresting, we may provide a short, even terse response to your query; in others, where the fancy takes us, we may pontificate at length providing an extensive discussion of the issue from which we shall draw appropriate conclusions. The choice is ours, after all, we know best.

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