Archive for July, 2008
Weigh in
A lighter person asks
How come when I fly my baggage gets weighed but I don’t. Surely it should be done on total weight!!
6 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “Weigh in”
Provide common sense...
Alcohol vs Drugs
The government is challenged.
If it is legal to buy alcohol and it is proven to damage health then how come it is not legal to buy drugs when some are proven to do minimal damage. Is this government hypocrisy?
One pearl of wisdom on “Alcohol vs Drugs”
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wise comments on Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 4:34 pmYes, it is. But it comes down to an issue of liberty. Why should the government decree what adults can and cannot take ?
That said, for all our sakes, any government worth its position would ban tobacco as soon as it came to power. That they have not done so reeks of corruption, and we all know how much tobacco reeks.
Provide common sense...
The Economics of Gardening
A gardener that is into accounting asks
I have been doing some sums while weeding my vege and have come to the conclusion that I am not getting any financial benefit from gardening. When you take into account the cost of seeds, the value of the land, the muck and fertiliser and my time, I should just turn my vege patch into housing and go to the supermarket. Have I missed something or should I be off to the planning office?
One pearl of wisdom on “The Economics of Gardening”
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Consultant C Says:
July 29th, 2008 at 11:28 amMy dear chap, surely gardening and producing your own food gives you an enormous sense of satisfaction and wellbeing? It’s not all about money you know.
Provide common sense...
Hard currency
A moral dilemma
I found a ten pound note in the street. There was no one nearby who could have dropped it, so I pocketed it, then spent it on cheese and ice cream. I worry that this was not the best, or morally correct use of my new found wealth. What should I have done?
2 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “Hard currency”
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banking Says:
July 28th, 2008 at 10:51 amTheoretically, taking it too the nearest Police station and handing it in as lost property is what you should have done. That said, I once found a twenty pound note in Stockbridge, but just pocketed it. I would be careful though about spending it on cheese and ice cream as both of these may increase your cholesterol levels which, combined with the stress associated with feeling bad about your actions, could result in medical complications. If you want a guilt free existence, why not donate it to a charity - how about an biodiversity related one ?
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Consultant K Says:
July 29th, 2008 at 9:21 amShould you drop it into the police they are required to hold it for 6 months and if no-one claims it you would get it. Two points should come out of this - would anyone go to the police to say they had lost a tenner and if so how do you describe it (I personally would struggle to describe any of the notes in my wallet (maybe cause it is empty)). My second point is that this may be a way to make money. Just go to the police and ask if anyone has handed in a tenner and describe a very convoluted route around the area that you may have lost it on. Then move onto the next police station. I think there are easier ways to make money but could be worth a shot.
Provide common sense...
Fart Pee Pants?
A strange question has been asked
I am not suggesting that I fart a lot but I will admit to farting every so often. On the other hand I have never had a fart from my bladder. It surely must be possible for the liquid in my bladder to ferment and it has no way out other than down the tubes so how come I have never had a pee fart?
3 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “Fart Pee Pants?”
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July 25th, 2008 at 10:10 amOh good grief.
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Consultant G Says:
July 25th, 2008 at 10:16 amOh good grief. We are not medics, but given the chemical composition of healthy urine, this sounds unlikely. Of course, you do sound rather sick to me.
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July 25th, 2008 at 11:22 amDownright deviant, I’d say. I think there are other websites which are more likely to accomodate your sort or enquiry. We must make a stand on quality. I might have to delete this page. Weirdo.
Provide common sense...
A hard question…
A quizzical type asks
What is the difference between a stone and a rock?
12 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “A hard question…”
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July 24th, 2008 at 3:08 pmThis is a depressingly simple one! Rocks can be classified on their type (igneous, metamorphic etc) while stones are classified on a size basis! I know I am meant to be witty and whatever but…..
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July 24th, 2008 at 5:13 pmSemantics.
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July 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pmand difference between ship and boat ?
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July 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pmAh, now, the difference between a ship and a boat is not a matter of semantics, but is, in fact, quite straightforward:
1. If you can spit across it, then it’s a boat, otherwise it’s a ship (submarines excepted - always boats regardless of your prowess with a mouthful of spittle).
alternately
2. You can put a boat on a ship, but not a ship on a boat.
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July 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pmBut the definition of rock and stone was not semantics either, and at least it made sense.
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July 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pmThe dictionary definition of ‘rock’ uses the word ’stone’ to describe it, and vice versa. I therefore conclude the matter is largely one of semantics. Q.E.D.
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sailing Says:
July 25th, 2008 at 1:52 pmFrom Chambers
(http://www.chambersharrap.co.uk/chambers/features/
chref/chref.py/main)boat noun 1 a small vessel for travelling over water. Often in compounds • sailing boat • rowing boat. 2 colloq, loosely a larger vessel; a ship.
ship noun 1 a large engine-propelled vessel, intended for sea travel. 2 a large sailing vessel, especially a three-masted, square-rigged sailing vessel. 3 a racing-boat. 4 any craft that floats on water.
Please note that ship is used to define boat. Thus, T.W.E.R.P
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July 25th, 2008 at 2:14 pmBut only in the colloquial definition I’m afraid. Thus I remain correct.
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July 25th, 2008 at 3:31 pmBut a ship is any craft that floats on water. Thus boat can be a ship, but a ship may not be a boat. Glad we cleared that up.
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July 29th, 2008 at 9:27 amwhat about a ferry boat? I have been on very very large ferries. Same with fishing and tug! Sorry it is falling to bits around your semantic ears
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July 29th, 2008 at 11:26 amYou are quite correct a ferry can be a boat, as can all fishing vessels regardless of size. These are similar exceptions to the submarine rule. My initial assertions above still stand.
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a very dull person Says:
July 29th, 2008 at 5:56 pmThis is dull, and i know about dull things
Provide common sense...
An age old problem
A troubled reader asks for relief
I have the hiccups, what should I do?
4 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “An age old problem”
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July 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 amGet rid of them.
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July 23rd, 2008 at 12:04 pmSage advice, G, sage advice. I have a potential route to your proposed solution lurking in my memories of international travel…
I met a Philipino barman, name of Sonny, in Greenland. He told me a cure for hiccups which worked on everyone that tried it. It’s a little complicated and you need an extra pair of hands.
Aquire a moderately sized glass of water
Get a willing accomplice to firmly cover your ears with their hands - they should try to make an airtight seal
Hold your (own) nose with one hand, again making an airtight seal
Drink the whole glass of water using the other hand
Release nose and earsAll being well, your hiccups will be cured.
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July 23rd, 2008 at 12:56 pmThanks C. Obviously, as a disclaimer, we have to state that we do not recommend these remedies, and we cannot be held responsible for any damage to health or death that arises from your using them.
The method i use is a simplified version of many such complicated approaches. I find that swallowing (generally water) just as a hiccup ‘comes up’ works. It may take several swallows to get the timing correct, but if you do, it works well. I dare say swallowing a whole glass of water in multiple gulps works on the same principle. However, the approach i use does not need a whole glass of liquid, not another persons hands.
Now, get back to work !
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July 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pmI always go for the “in through the nose and out through the mouth” approach (keep that constant even through the hiccups) and keep that for about 2 mins. Does not require an assistant and also does not require any equipment.
August 1st, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Yup! You are correct. If you go on an island hopper on the west coast of scotland they weigh you and your bag. Sadly they don’t charge extra for heavy people but I think your suggestion is Common Sense
August 6th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
You open a whole political wormery there old chap! I agree, the fatties should pay - after all, it’s entirely their fault that they are fat, and fat should be taxed, but then how do we accommodate people who are genetically predisposed to largeness, yet with well defined muscles and a normal quantity of body fat? A Body Mass Index assessment before your fly? No, I’m afraid it’s just too sensitive an issue for the politically correct times in which we live. When the King can once again behead people simply because he wants to, we shall be able to persecute fatties and charge them accordingly for the greater amount of fuel required to fly them to their destination.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Maybe we could have an exponential scale so it does not penalise those who are only a small amount above average.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:15 am
We could just ban anyone defined as clinically obese from traveling anywhere - that should act as an incentive to slim down a bit.
The world is already biased in fatties favour as a member of our cooperative went to join weight watchers. They told the organiser that they needed to gain 6 pounds to get to a reccomended healthy weight, and were told that weight watchers is not appropriate for this. Surely weight watchers should help such individuals as they have a weight problem too. If not, they should change their name to something more appropriate.
August 7th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Surely we should be encouraging folk who are “fat” to travel. We could propose the slogan of “widen your mind, not your waist line”
August 8th, 2008 at 6:08 am
As long as they sign a contract stating that they will not come back larger.