Archive for April, 2009
That will learn them
It has been suggested by a reader that
Anyone parking in a disabled or “with children” space who is not disabled or “with children” should be shot.
2 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “That will learn them”
Provide common sense...
Its a pig of a virus
From a sick man:
Swine flue appears to have undergone a bizarre mutation, and is now causing mass hysteria among journalists and broadcasters who have come into contact with the story. Thankfully the BBC has pointed out however that “there is little to suggest a public health emergency on the streets of Polmont” - (other than the standard alcohol and cigarette related issues, and rising obesity we presume).
Having seen the news, I wonder if we should we don face masks and run up and down the streets in a panic? Should we start randomly slaughtering pigs (and pig farmers)? Should we pile Sombreros in the streets and burn them?
I am hoping you could provide some common sense advice on the matter ? This would be very useful, as it is not yet being provided. Your free service would make this much cheaper than sending out a leaflet to every house in the country (any common sense advice on that too?)
Useful links:
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/two-scottish-people-feeling-a-bit-run-down-200904281729/ and http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/who-will-be-the-first-arsehole-to-wear–a-facemask?-200904291731
Provide common sense...
Give me an idea…
A frustrated consultant writes
We’ve been tirelessly flogging Common Sense for some time now, with only moderate success. People seem to want to read our common sense advice, but are reluctant to ask for it.
New upstarts http://www.givemeanidea.com have received radio coverage on the Fred MacAulay show after only one month! Have we missed the boat? Is our service too complicated? Do people want ideasTM not common senseTM? Have we overestimated the intelligence of people in need of common sense?
Provide common sense...
Footballer breaks wind (parp)
The popular childrens’ character Windy Miller tackles and adult theme
Is it really sensible to break wind during a vital moment of a football match?
One pearl of wisdom on “Footballer breaks wind (parp)”
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Consultant G Says:
April 8th, 2009 at 9:40 amI really doubt there is such a thing as a” vital moment” in a football match.
Provide common sense...
Cracked thumb
A hard working person asks
I have been enjoying gardening and DIY but this has resulted in my hands being in very poor condition. Twice now I the skin on my thumb has cracked resulting in deep, painful cuts, that don’t heal easily.
How can I fix and prevent such cracked skin on my hands?
3 lacklustre pieces of inspiration on “Cracked thumb”
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marigold Says:
April 6th, 2009 at 1:16 pmI suggest using moisturiser and wearing gloves to enhance the condition of your skin and protect them from further damage. You can even do both at the same time, overnight for example - you will wake up with lovely smooth hands.
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Consultant C Says:
April 6th, 2009 at 1:32 pmRubber gloves in bed just sounds a bit kinky, especially with moist slippery insides; I’m not sure that is sensible at all. Try a plaster.
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May 13th, 2009 at 12:10 pmI wasn’t suggesting wearing rubber gloves in bed, cotton ones would probably be better - they would also go with a cotton dressing gown to prevent static attacks.
Provide common sense...
Ice cream horns…
A local boy in a quandary asks
An mobile ice cream purveying device has parked itself on the park in front of my house. This leaves me caught on the horns of a dilemma:
Should I object on the basis that it spoils my view and may attract an undesirable sort of ice cream consumer, or dive right in and enjoy a Mr Whippy on this fine and sunny day?
One pearl of wisdom on “Ice cream horns…”
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April 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pmWe are here to provide common sense, not help indecisive idiots like you make up your pathetic dithering minds.
The only advice I will give is if you object then do not give them trade. No trade means they are less likely to return.
May 1st, 2009 at 8:38 am
Shot in the leg so they become disabled ? I like the irony.
We could just do away with they system altogether.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I’d agree with you on the disabled side of things, but why should people who’ve chosen to further burden our already overpopulated planet be given special treatment?
I suppose youcould argue that not everyone with kids has chosen to have them, or some (such as foster parents) might have kids for altruistic reasons.
On a similar note it really bugs me that at my local supermarket the “with children” spaces are closer to the store than the disabled spaces.